This morning at church we sang one of my favorite worship songs, “Jesus Is Better” by the Austin Stone Worship band. The bridge always brings me to tears:
“In all my sorrows, Jesus is better – make my heart believe”
There has been much sorrow and frustration in our lives recently and this song always brings me to my knees in conviction and utter praise that He is better.
You see, Benjamin and I decided last fall to try for a baby. And it’s been 9 months and we’re still not pregnant. And we don’t know why. And the waiting is really, really hard.
I thought this would be something I could approach the same way that I do most of my life: do research on the best methods to understand my fertility (charting my waking temperatures, using OPKs), have sex on the right days, and voila, about a month or two later we’d be elated over a positive pregnant test.
But God has graciously shown me that my ways are not His ways. I don’t understand His ways for this particular situation, but I look around at sweet families like the Bauses and the Brocks and I am encouraged in knowing that no matter what His ways are, He is faithful. And in His timing and His way, He will give us a child.
But I am mostly learning that in all things, He is better. He is enough.
And on the days that I am overcome with hurt and anger and frustration, He is big enough to take it all and love me through it. He is not shaken by my anger and hurt, He is bigger. And He is changing my heart as I wrestle with Him through this. He has graciously given me a husband with stronger faith that continuously points me to Christ in this waiting, he pushes me toward Jesus and away from bitterness.
I am learning to what it fully means that He is better. There are still days when that is not the cry of my heart. But He is faithful, and my prayer is that He will make my heart’s cry be into the full bridge of that song:
“In all my sorrows, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
In all my victories, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
Than any comfort, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
More than all riches, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
Our souls declaring, Jesus is better – make my heart believe
Our song eternal, Jesus is better – make my heart believe”